Family Life Stories

A lot of us are addicted to our cell phones or smart phones, or whatever it is we call the device we carry 24/7.

But is staying connected to the outside world causing you to lose connection to your kids?

The answer is yes. And if you’re the parent of a young child, you may be harming your child too.

As family life expert, author and FOX25 parenting contributor, I recently joined the FOX25 Morning News highlighting the dangers of being over-connected parents.

At the heart of my work–writing parenting guides and now novels–is the importance of caring, compassionate child care and good communication.  Please read and pass along this link to an article on teaching empathy to children. In light of the recent deaths of students who could no longer take the torment of their peers, there’s an urgent need to reexamine and recommit to the important role parents play in coaching morals and values.

I’d also recommend two important books written by Times writer Maia Szalavitz. Help at Any Cost: How the troubled teen industry cons parents and hurts kids (Riverhead, 2006) and Born for Love: Why empathy is essential and endangered (William Morrow, 2010)

I’ve known Jane McGovern for a number of years.  We met traveling through church and school circles in our little seaside town.  Her strength, determination, and generosity have always impressed me.  Still I’m in awe of Jane, as one year after being diagnosed with breast cancer, she’s walking for a cure.

In a recent article highlighting her plans to participate in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, McGovern says, “I hope that by raising funds for research, future generations will not have to endure the painful procedures that I have had to endure this year. I truly am ‘in it to end it.’”

If you’d like to support Jane, feel free to make a donation to the research fund on her behalf.

Whether writing alone or with a coauthor, starting a book can be a lot like this…

Be prepared to wrestle.

To come front and center with how the culture is shaping views on fidelity, faithfulness, and honor within marriage, all you have to do is stand in line at the grocery checkout counter, surveying the covers of People and Us.  Pop culture, and therefore young adults, view marriage as a dispensable commodity.  When times get tough, split, breakup, divorce.

Take a look at the ridiculous television show Marriage Ref, which has nefarious panelists judging real life marital spats.  The people giving advice to married couples?  Alec Baldwin, allegedly abusive to wife and daughter, Kathy Griffin, whose husband was accused of stealing her money before divorcing her, Tracy Morgan, Kirstie Alley, Sheryl Crow, all divorced, and Nathan Lane, a never-married man.

After nearly twenty-two years married, I can unequivocally say (and my husband surely would too, if you asked him) that marriage isn’t all flowers and chocolates.  We’ve had some glorious high points, like our relationships with our children and some wonderful career accomplishments.  But we’ve had our share of challenges, some recent health-related trials among them.  Through it all, we’ve remained committed to support each other.  We’ve soldiered on, learning every day what it means to truly be there for each other.  So imagine how pleased I was to read this Sunday’s poignant and inspiring Modern Love essay by novelist Elinor Lipman about her relationship with her husband during their greatest trial as a couple.

Leave it to Lipman to honestly and beautifully give readers a glimpse inside ‘long-married’ life.  Read the essay.  Share it.  Even aspire to it.  Take a moment to do something today and everyday to promote marriage as something to honor.

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner

A few days ago, my teenage son asked if he could go somewhere–do something with friends–that he knew I would say no to. To his credit, he accepted the disappointment respectfully, adding how hard it is for him when he can’t have what he wants or do what everyone else gets to do.

My son and I have a light and easy relationship so I agreed with his point, and with my arm around his shoulder said, “I know it’s seems hard now, but someday you’ll thank me for shaping your character.”

He laughed, rolled his eyes and sighed, orchestrating his body language as only a teenager can do. He said, “Mom next time stop before you get to the shaping character part. It doesn’t really help to know that.”

Discipline–a word that means to learn–whether it feels forced on you by others or self-imposed, it isn’t always easy to learn your lessons. Rejection, rewrites, rejection, revision. “It’s not for me.” “It’s not there yet.” Talk to any successful writer, and he or she will tell you getting your character shaped is a trial. And I’m not talking about the characters you write about.

In the readings of my faith, there is a metaphor for taking the path to a deeper spirituality; everyone has the opportunity to take the road, but you must pass through “the narrow gate.” There’s a narrow gate on the road to a literary life too.

Early in my own experience of acquiring an agent, and working with an editor, I took each rejection or critique personally. I stood firm on things I now realize are the inevitable compromises a writer is required to at least consider, and sometimes required to make. “Change your title.” “Move this chapter.” “Add a character.” “Lose a scene.”

In the beginning, I struggled to acquiesce. Sometimes I reluctantly made the changes, sometimes I stood my ground. Yet as each character-shaping lesson was learned–true compromise experienced– I felt stronger, more capable of accepting the next demand or challenge.

With one novel due out in paperback and a new novel soon to be released in hardcover, it’s crystal clear to me that living a literary life means becoming comfortable with life in and around the narrow gate. Regardless of the fantasies of big advances, universal praise, and reader adulation, no writer escapes repeated passes through the restricted access door.

Does becoming a successful writer mean embracing the lessons agents, editors, reviewers, and readers try to teach us? Even if we’re bruised and battered, do we force our way through the tight space, willing ourselves to withstand the pressure until things ease up again?

I wish the path was wide open and all of us could pass. In reality, it is difficult to get through it and one pass won’t be enough. I’ve chosen to shove, squeeze, even ram myself through it nonetheless. No matter how hard this career path is, no matter how many lessons in humility I must endure, I will persevere.  I want this literary life enough to press on.

After graduating from high school, I had aspirations to attend college for theater arts.  In the seventies, girls were strongly encouraged to choose teaching, nursing, or business occupations, so, I gave up the dream.  All these years later, and I’m still fascinated by the behind the scenes life of a performer.  Take a look at this Boston audition for the Rockettes.

And if like me you’re a theatre junkie, listen to this NPR program about the documentary about casting A Chorus Line, called Every Little Step.

“Broadway groupies get a chance to trip down a theatrical rabbit hole in Every Little Step — a movie about auditioning for a musical … that itself is about auditioning for a musical.

Documentarians Adam Del Deo and James D. Stern shot some 500 hours of footage at both cattle calls and callbacks for the 2006 Broadway revival of A Chorus Line…

A Chorus Line, remember, began as a workshop in which choreographer Michael Bennett recorded 22 Broadway dancers talking about their lives as dancers.”

Whether true or imagined, everyone has a story to tell.  As a writer of nonfiction, I’m going to give it to you straight. If you want to write nonfiction, be prepared.  You’ll need a huge platform to sell books and acquire paid speaking engagements. TV & radio appearances must occur regularly. A column or freelance assignments from major newspapers and national magazines must go to print consistently. And you’ll need events that attract loads of participants—in the hundreds. Have I frightened you yet? I haven’t meant to, but it is my intention to be brutally honest. Hear this: readers of nonfiction want to hear from experts. They want to know you and trust you before they buy. Publishers know this. So should you.

For fiction, platform takes on a different relevance, but it is relevant nonetheless. Certainly you don’t need to have the same kind of platform—though it certainly won’t hurt if you do. Your platform in this case serves a more indirect role. Do you already have contacts with television producers, radio hosts, and magazine editors? Does your novel have a wild hook or a timely news angle? If so, you’ll be more likely to garner media attention for your fiction, though you’ll likely have to come up with out-of-the-box pitches. While some may say having platform for fiction is less important, in today’s marketplace you’ll need it to stand out—along with whatever else you have up your sleeve.

Most everyone will tell you to start building your platform early, which for nonfiction is a MUST.  Fiction writers are told to develop a website, sign up for Twitter and Facebook, even before you have a book deal.  I agree, to a point.  Networking, the act of making real connections with booksellers, other writers and media types, will help in the long run, and doing so takes time.  However, the best advice I’ve been given—and I’ve been given it at every stage of my career—is to be concerned first and foremost with writing a great story about characters readers will love, or love to hate. If there’s a good backstory about how you came to write that novel, great, but that’s not what will keep readers turning pages.  It all comes down to story, characters, and accomplished writing.  Make your readers fall in love with your voice.

You’d have to live under a rock not to know major legislation passed regarding health care last week.  And if you do watch the news–depending on which cable network–you may or may not know the facts about it.

I’ve been a family life expert for over twenty years, and a novelist for the last five, but I have been and always will be a registered nurse. Right out of high school, I attended a hospital school of nursing, which is now known as Brigham & Women’s in Boston.  On to get a bachelors degree, also in nursing, and then a masters degree in education and counseling. I’ve paid close attention to the health care debate for all of my adult life.  In fact, I participated in the focus groups held at Mass General Hospital in the 1990s, when Hilary Rodham Clinton came to town in an effort to learn all there was to know, so she could influence policy.

While understanding the complexities of our health care system–what it is now and what it needs to become– isn’t easy, I believe we owe it to ourselves, our families, and our fellow citizens to learn more. Here are some links to sites that debunk myths and give factual information on the state of health care.

New Health Care Bill Facts:
Pros and Cons of New Health Care Reform Bill Explained

FactCheck.org

HealthReform.gov

If you want to read a fictional story with the emotional punch so many millions of people experience as part of their real life family stories, then pick up acclaimed author Lionel Shriver’s new novel, So Much for That.

In an interview with Schriver, Washington Post staff writer, Monica Hesse, writes, “‘So Much for That’ is “about” the American health-care system, which is to say it is about how illness and insurance can deplete savings, kindness and humanity.”

For Shriver, “Writing “So Much for That” has actually brought out, if not feelings of sentimentality, then at least feelings of gratitude for the wellness most of us take for granted.”

Ron Charles of the Washington Post writes a compelling review of So Much for That, making the case for reading fiction as a means to get to the heart of the present day issue.

I hope you will visit these sites, read Shriver’s latest novel, and continue to stay informed.